Monday, December 6, 2010

You're Not The Boss of Me Now :D

   Yaayyyy, I made it through the whole weekend without stepping on the scale.  This is such a HUGE accomplishment for me, I can't even put it into words.  I've been dependent on it for 6+ years and honestly it was pretty much hindering me from being truly healthy.   Somehow focusing solely on that number made me forget ignore a lot of what I knew was right for my body.

     Okay let me stop for a second to say, thank you so much for your support and encouragement on my last post, it really means so, so much to me and has helped me through the past few days.

     One comment in particular stood out to me because he was so spot on and it was something I've been realizing myself during these past few days.  First time commenter JohnP from Lord of the Chainrings left this gem:
"Sounds like you check alot because you're looking for instant gratification. As if you are maybe hoping it will be lower next time you step on it. 

If you have a solid plan to hit your target weight, then the goal will be reached without checking the scale all the time. Get your workouts in and count the calories and everything else is moot. . ."

    JohnP I feel like you were in my head :P   It had become like a game to me, just trying to lower the number and not realizing? caring? acknowledging? that this was not going to get me to my goal of actual healthy fat loss.

    Confession (this is even harder to confess than the scale obsession):  I've actually been dehydrating myself just so that I could weigh less.  Barely drinking water throughout the day, not replenishing after working out,  not replenishing after drinking alcohol, barely even making up for working 8 hours at the beach on 90º days :/.  How in the world I let myself do this for so long without putting my foot down and saying enough is enough, is beyond me.  Even though I knew that this was absolutely ridiculous and drinking freaking water will NOT EVER, EVER, EVERR make you gain weight, all I could see was that it made my weight go up.   Well, yes obviously if you are dehydrated to begin with, you are going to hold onto the water that you drink and your weight will increase at first.

    It was because of my frequent weighing that I let myself continue doing this for so long.  The process went something like this:
1) Realize that I am being completely irrational and that I HAVE to drink more water
2) Drink a bottle of water or two throughout the day
3) Hop on the scale and freak out because I've suddenly gained weight
4) Stop drinking water, even when I'd workout and sweat it out (not completely, but I would have maybe a glass of water throughout the day :/)
5) Jump on the scale again and feel relieved that I was back down

   Now I knew, absolutely 100% knew, that this was completely irrational and yet I could not get past the scale increase.  I mentally could not handle seeing the number go up a few pounds, and then as I was holding onto the water because I needed it, not going back down as fast as I desired.

    This also extended past water,  it was mostly liquids that freaked me out (soup included), but really anything high volume that would initially have me posting a gain was often avoided by me.  This meant sometimes not eating the healthiest foods because they would increase my scale weight.  I was not as psychotic about this as I was with water, I still ate  salads and other fruits/vegetables.  But it was common for me to eat say fiber one cereal over a pear because it would mean less automatic scale weight.  Fiber one cereal isn't a bad choice, but compared to a whole, unprocessed food with natural fiber it definitely comes in 2nd place.

   My final decision on Thursday morning to kick my scale addiction came when I told myself that in order to get where I really want to be and reach my goals, I would have to make some serious changes:

#1 on the list drink more water, and I realized the only way I could possibly make this stick was to ditch the scale.  If I tried to drink more water while still weighing myself multiple times a day, surely I would have taken one look at the increasing number on the scale and ran sprinted back to my old ways.
The past few days I have been rehydrating my body and it feels amazing!  I've been racing to the bathroom as well, but I take this as a very good sign :)  Plus my (tmi) pee has been clear, that makes me go like this :D.

#2  EAT BETTER.  I have eaten decently for a while now, but it could be soooo much better.   Since Thursday I have been filling myself with veggies and I LOVE it!!!  We went grocery shopping yesterday and our cart was filled with produce!  I am excited to make some awesome meals I have found through the wealth of healthy eating blogs on the web.  Tonight I am making Avocado and Cheese Pepper Boats  from OhSheGlows.   Yesterday I made a Grilled Apple and Mozzeraella Sandwich inspired by  Hungry Runner Girl.   Without the constant focus on the scale, I have been able to enjoy fueling my body with nutrient rich, delicious whole foods :D

     The past few days have not been easy,  it was such a habit that I impulsively go to do it throughout the day and then I have to remind myself "we're not doing that anymore" (I have no idea why I refer to myself as we in my head sometimes, just part of my craziness I guess?)  A few times I've started to say to myself, "I have eaten so good the past few days and I feel like my body has been letting go of the water now that I've been drinking enough.  Let me just see if I have lost weight."  But I realize that is a recipe for disaster and depending on what it reads I could totally be derailing myself, which is totally not worth it whatsoever.   

     The past few days have also been nothing. short. of. amazing.   I feel very free and like I am finally on the right track for once in my life.   I am ready to find my inner confidence that is not dependent on what the scale tells me.  Almost one month into my 26th year and I am definitely feeling that this will be my best year yet :D

  I still have the goal of looking fan-freaking-tastic :D, but this will be achieved by fueling myself right and keeping up with my training.  NOT by playing juvenile games with an inanimate object.

Wow that was long, but I had a lot to say :)

The quote on this bracelet says "Believe in Yourself," my 5-yr old got it for me at the holiday boutique in school and couldn't wait until X-mas to give it to me. I think it is the best gift I've ever received :D


Keri said...

Congratulations for being so brave :)You are on the right track.

Melissa Cunningham said...

agree with keri!!!!!
you so got this!
year 26 WILL be your best yet!

Abby said...

Yep, sounds like you are on the right track. I'm sure your running will get EVEN better too and you are already super fast!!!

JohnP said...

I'm glad I could help! You've got this!!!
I'm just speaking from experience.

Thanks by the way! Maybe I should write a disclaimer before somebody actually listens to me!! oh no! :) lol

If it helps - I picked up a Tanita Body Composition Monitor. They're kinda pricey but it gives you more numbers to play with. You mention water retention & fat % loss - this could be a great tool! The base models give more than enough data.

Heidi said...

That was a big confession. But know that you are not alone, I have heard of this from other bloggers.

Honestly I think you already look fan-freakin-tastic ... maybe now it's time to FEEL fan-freakin-tastic. You're definitely headed in the right direction.

Katie said...

Thank You all for the support :D

John~ lol I only listened because you said exactly what I had been thinking about the situation and put it into words so nicely :) It was no longer about doing what was good for me and instead lowering the number even if it wasn't actual fat, NOT what I wanted.

My MIL had one of those bf% scales and I used to use it, but I hated it because it always told me high. Which may very well have been true, but I think they aren't quite accurate when you are dehydrated and my % of water was never were it was supposed to be either.

For now I am focusing on how I feel, proper nutrition, kick ass workouts! :D

Jess @ Blonde Ponytail said...

Good for you Katie!! Glad to hear you are not slave to the scale!

And, how freakin' adorable is your 5 yr old. I would rck that bracelet everyday!!

Nicole @ "Haute Runner" said...

This is why I stopped weighing myself! I would gain and lose 10lbs in 1 day. It really depressed me so I decided I was only going to base my progress on how my clothes fit and how I look.

Cute gift from your son!

jovana said...

Good job K for being honest to yourself. There's nothing holding you back any longer in achieving your goal. Unfortunately, I was in your shoes once upon a time, when my coach put me to row in a light weight race... ugh I went through hell to prepare for it! And now, 5 years later, when I gave a break to my body and my crazy obsessions, I am finally feeling great. It took me a while to realize that being a slave to the scale eats you up and make you depressed deep inside.
BTW you son is awesome! That is super sweet... give him a big kiss from me :)

Diet Chic ~ Jury said...

what is it about the damn scale right? it´s like my drug-addiction, and most of the time it let´s me down and only makes me not want to workout, the comment by John was right on, we are looking for instant gratification. Thanks for posting this, good luck on the water intake too.

the bracelet from your daughter is super cute and just what you needed.
P.S. You alread look great!! :)

Bikini Wannabe! said...

Doesn't it feel good to not step on the scale? I find I have better days and eat better so I dont have to step on that darn thing!

Bikini Wannabe! said...

BTW....CUTE bracelet!!!

The Hungry Runner Girl said...

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!! Girl, thank you for sharing. You are helping me so much. Thank you for your example...I didn't get on the scale this morning. How was the sandwich. Love the bracelet, that is so sweet.
I LOVE your honesty....just to let you know I have definitely done the same thing. You have realized that it isn't okay and you are amazing to set goals to get over it. Oh I just cannot get enough of your blog. Sorry for the novel. Have a great Monday night!

Big Daddy Diesel said...

I want you to get the book Racing Weight by Matt Fitzgerald. It is the only book on the market that is about acheiving a weight while being an endurance athlete. I think it will provide alot of useful information you can use.

Matty O said...

Interesting post. You sound identical to my wife when she dieted this spring. I will say her abs looked amazing when she was dehydrated though :)

There is a fine line between obsession and insane. Don't walk it.

I was a wrestler in high school, I have weight issues and weigh myself daily. Just have to keep it all in check.

Diet Chic ~ Jury said...

I wrote a short letter to my scale, after you got me thinking about the scale yesterday. haha.